When I Look At You
by sslalax
Summary: After Blair has a dream about Chuck, and finds herself infatuated with him. Things start looking up, when the new bad boy in town, Alex, comes on the scene. Will he ruin everything for Chuck and Blair? R&R!
1. When I Look At You

When I Look At You

_Everybody needs inspiration, everybody needs a song. A beautiful melody, for when the nights are long... _

How could I be this stupid? Just blow everything with Nate just like that, losing my virginity to Chuck Bass was the worst mistake of my life. It's almost 3am and I've been up crying all night... I don't know a life without Nate. As if Chuck really cared about me, when Nate loved me, but I still did this to him. My hair is a mess but I don't care, I don't care about anything but Nate.

_'Cause there is no gurantee, that this life is easy..._

I always pictured myself being with Nate forever, I mean who else am I supposed to be with?I need to pull myself together, it wasn't the end of the world. I'm a Waldorf, I can handle it. Or can I? Have I finally been defeated? No. No, I would not let that happen. If there's three things I care about in life, that's popularity, my reputation and the cost of the dress I'm wearing.

_When my world is falling apart, and there's no light to break up the dark, thats when I, I look at you..._

As I wiped my eyes with a million tissues, there was a bang at the door. Who on earth would be coming to see my at this ungodly hour of the morning? I cautiously and slowly approached the door playing a guessing game with my mind. Serena? She should be with Dan... I opened the door wide enough to fit my head through and looked that is definitly not who I expected. Stood outside my door looking as rough as ever was Chuck Bass. "What do _you_ want, Chuck?" I stared at the floor with no tone in my voice.

"Listen Blair, believe it or not, I heard about you and Nate," His name cut through me like brand new wound. "And I was worried about you, I thought I'd see how you're doing." He said totally normal. "At 3am, Chuck?" I replied, not believing a word he was saying.

"Well, it took me a while to have the guts to come down here, are you gonna let me in or not?" I opened the door and he strolled in calmly and plonked himself onto a chair next to my bed. "So, are you okay?" What a stupid question to ask.

"Do I look okay?" I said sarcastically and laid facing him on the bed.

"No. No, you don't. That's why I'm here. Talk about it." He placed his hand on top of mine and looked into my eyes. "Why would you want to help me?" I whispered slowly as he scanned my face. "Because, Blair, I care about you." He whispered back and grinned.

"Oh please, since when did Chuck Bass care about anyone but himself?" I laughed to myself and took my hand away from his. He leaned closer to me out of the chair and smiled. "Since now." He kissed my forehead gently and leant back into the chair.

"Chuck..." I almost stuttered trying to get rid of the unexpected butterflies in my stomach. Chuck was sat here, actually caring about someone... caring about _me._ I'd never seen this side of him before.

_When I look at you, I see forgiveness... I see the truth, you love me for who I am, like the stars hold the moon. Right there where they belong and I know I'm not alone._

"Shhh, it's okay, do what you girls do, cry ramble it's okay I'll listen. I'm here for you, Blair." He spoke calmly and quietly with his head resting on his fist. "That's the thing though, I... I don't want to cry, I don't feel like crying anymore... In fact I don't feel sad atall. Just stay here with me for a little while? Please?" I couldn't believe it, Blair Waldorf, begging. But I don't care, he makes me feel like everything's going to be okay. "I don't want you to be alone." He replied with relief in his voice.

"Thank you..." I picked up his hand and pulled him onto the bed, he got himself into a comfortable position leaning against the headboard as I lay my head on his chest and squinted my eyes to keep from tears spilling out. But I wasn't on the verge of tears because of Nate, it was because they were happy tears. I was so happy that I wasn't alone. I had someone with me, someone who genuinely cared for me and didn't want me to change. He put his hand on my head and stroked my long hair.

_You appear just like a dream to me, just like kaleidoscope colours that cover me, all I need, every breath that I breathe, dont you know? You're beautiful..._

We lay there silently for what seemed like forever, I was afraid that if I spoke I'd ruin the moment, the moment I felt something for Chuck Bass. The moment I didn't want to punch him in the face for once, the moment I wanted to last forever. It was starting to get light outside and I knew soon he'd have to go and I'd be alone again, alone to do too much thinking. I didn't want him to leave, not while he was making me feel like this. I had to talk sometime. I rolled over so I was still on his chest but facing him, he smiled smugly. "Chuck, why are you doing this? Prove to me that you mean what you've said. Prove it to me." I sat up and looked directly at him, intrigued to hear his answer. He looked down and back up at me again. He waited for a second then leant forward slowly, I didn't move an inch. He looked into my eyes and kissed me, in a totally different way. This wasn't a whorish meaningless kiss. It was slow and gentle and I kissed back with no regrets. He stopped but didn't remove his lips, he whispered onto my mouth three words I never dreamed of Chuck Bass saying in a million years. "I love you, Blair."

Then I woke up.

_You appear just like a dream to me... _


	2. Just A Dream

_Baby, why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know..._

It was just a dream. That's all, it meant nothing. I must have fallen asleep between all the sobbing, the thing is... I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to fall back asleep and carry this dream on. Oh no. Why couldn't Chuck be like this all the time, instead of a self-centered womanizing little brat? "B? You okay?" I nearly fell off the bed as Serena walked in and scared me half to death. "Holy crap, Serena! Ever heard of knocking?" I replied slightly breathless. Serena was wearing blue jeans and black leather boots with heels, a baggy white top and a black scarf. Where the hell was she going? She grinned and walked over to the bed. "Hey, why aren't you dressed? We're going out today, remember?" Oh crap.

_It's like I'm standing from a distance, standing in the background, everybody's saying; he's not coming home now._

_This can't be happening to me, this is just a dream..._

"I don't feel like going out today, S." I said quietly and pinned back my hair. Serena sat on the bed next to me. How could I possibly be refusing a day out shopping? I can't let this rule my life forever; I have to move on, but how? I must admit I was feeling a lot better after my dream about Chuck, so why not have a day out with my best friend? I wasn't going to let Nate Archibald get in my way of a perfectly good day out. "In fact, I change my mind. I'll come. Only because I need a new outfit for my Mother's launch party tonight, you're coming right?" I immediately started to get ready to distract myself.

"Yeah, Dan can come too?" Serena asked curiously. Sigh. Little Dan Humphrey, I couldn't say no. He was her boyfriend after all. "Of course," I replied casually and smiled in the mirror. Serena grinned back and went in my closet to get me something to wear.

In the limo on the way, there was an awkward silence suffocating the atmosphere, but I didn't know what to say. I guess I was afraid I'd say something about my dream, or worse, how much I enjoyed it. Maybe I should tell Serena, after all she is my best friend and I'm supposed to tell her everything aren't I?

The day went by rather fast, I did go a bit over board to distract myself by buying 7 outfits instead, and at least I have a choice now. Serena made a pitiful effort to make conversation, which I avoided by pretending to spot a dress or something. I really needed to be alone, and yet I'm going to party full of people, and Chuck. I don't understand why I'm panicking so much about this dream. It was a dream that's all; Chuck would never have feelings for me or do anything like that for anyone, let alone me.

"Blair, I'm gonna go home and get ready for the party, I'll meet you there, love you!" She jumped out of the limo; I waved and ordered the limo back to the house. There was no one home when I got there, I assumed they were all out getting everything ready, but I had a feeling tonight wasn't going to go well. I picked out a dark purple, silk, short and strapless dress with purple high heels for the party. I wore my hair down and curly, with a butterfly slide in the side. After applying light make-up, I was finally ready to get this over with.

***

"Blair! Blair, I'm over here!" Serena shouted me from across the room, I spotted her and walked over with a fake smile on my face, and we hugged, got a drink and found a seat in the corner of the hall. People were stood up dancing, laughing and talking in groups. I hadn't seen Chuck yet, not that he was on my mind. I'd seen Nate, unfortunately, chatting with my Mother of all people he could find conversation with. "So B, how are you feeling about the whole breaking up with Nate thing?" I knew she had been dying to ask since this morning.

"To be honest, I'm fine." I sipped at my drink and looked at the table.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd be over it this easily, I mean it's you and _Nate_..."

"Well, good things always come to an end." I couldn't take it any longer, I had to tell her. I had to tell someone. "And anyway, the other night I had this really weird dream about me and Ch-"

"Hello, ladies." Chuck spoke smoothly with his usual smug grin on his face and a drink in his hand.

"Chuck." My heart skipped a beat as I downed my drink in one.


	3. Hollywood Whore

_CH. 3_

_Hollywood whore passed out on the floor... I'm sorry but the party's over. _

I couldn't think straight. Chuck stayed with me and Serena all night and I was downing three drinks at a time, by now I couldn't see properly and everything was spinning. Chuck had vanished, probably to shove his tongue down some innocent girl's throat and Serena went to dance with Dan. I seriously couldn't believe what a stupid dream is doing to me. I don't even know what I'm doing.

_Cocaine nose and trendy clothes gotta send her to rehab, she's found out she's got no soul, but it really doesn't bother her..._

I felt someone approach me from behind and I quickly turned my head, unfortunately Chuck was stood there, out of his head. "Blair, how about another ride in my limo tonight?" He staggered slightly and grinned, I was so tempted to say sure... but even though I was absolutely hammered, I knew better. "Ugh, Chuck. Will you ever go a day without making a perverted comment to some young innocent female?" I tried to look disgusted but my heart was beating at about a million beats per minute, his smile got wider and he stroked my cheek with his free hand, I could have fainted then and there. "I'd hardly call you innocent." He winked and casually walked away.

_White trash queen, American dream. Oh, what a role model, throwing a fit, making a scene, like no tomorrow..._

I took a deep breath and attempted to walk to the door without falling over. I was almost at the door when someone fell into me; I went down like a stack of dominoes. I looked up and Nate Archibald was on top of me. "Nate! What the hell?! Get off me!" I gave him a deadly look and shoved him off me, by now there was a gathering of people around us trying to find out what was happening. I saw the flash of a phone. Great, headline news for Gossip Girl tomorrow...

_Hollywood whore, passed out on the floor, can't take it no more. I'm sorry but the party's over... _

I woke up in my own bed with a splitting headache. I was still dressed apart from my shoes, I felt like I'd been hit by a train. "Morning, beautiful," someone said from the other side of my room, I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "OH! Chuck what the hell are you doing in my bedroom?!" Chuck was sitting in a bathrobe with wet hair at the end of my bed. Oh no... Please don't say I did that, no, no, no. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up. Had fun last night, I can see. Before you ask, you passed out about a metre away from the door, and I had the courtesy to pick you up and take you home. You're welcome." I tried to process it all and remember what happened, I only remember Nate falling on me and then everything disappeared. "Um, thank you... but why would you do that?" I rubbed my head as if it would get rid of the pain.

"Well, I can't see you being trampled on and taken advantage of, can I?" He poured me a glass of water from the bathroom and slipped a pill inside. "Drink," he passed me the glass and sat on the edge of my king size bed. "Thanks." I drank it in one and handed him back the glass.

"I also took the liberty of having a shower, I hope you don't mind," he sipped his scotch and I watched him gulp it down, he was beautiful, those perfectly sculpted cheek bones and seductive eyes entranced me.

"N-no, not at all," I bit my lip as Chuck scooted up the bed and sat next to me. He smiled and stroked my cheek; his fingers left a warm burning touch on my pale skin. We stared at each other for just a second; I was finding it hard to catch my breath. He leaned forward slowly as I stared at his soft lips, we were just centimetres apart, and I could feel his breath on my lips. "Miss Blair! Your mother wants you downstairs," Derota called from outside my bedroom door, Chuck swiftly jumped up and left my room without uttering a single word. Ugh, I can't believe Derota just ruined that for me!

"Mother, you were aware that Chuck Bass was here, correct?" I asked as I attempted to eat some food.

"Yes, he brought you home last night, apparently you fell?" Ah, Chuck always was thinking ahead.

"Um, yes."

"He seems to have an eye for you, dear."

"Doesn't Chuck have an eye for everyone?" I sighed and ate a single grape.

**A/N: I really want to focus the next chapter on Chuck, instead of just Blair and how she feels, I might even change the point of view for that chapter, but I need a song that best describes Chuck, if you know any or find any, please let me know in reviews, much appreciated :D (e.g. Cowboy Casanova – Carrie Underwood) Thank you! **


	4. Cowboy Casanova

_You better take it from me, that boy is like a disease_

It was a chilly Monday morning just before school. I was sat in my usual spot on the steps with Serena and my minions, after my interesting weekend involving passing out in a club and awkwardly being escorted home for the night by Chuck who I have recently been seeing in a different light. Not a good one either, the kind of light where they're all you think about and your heart skips a beat when you see them.

Serena was making conversation with the girls while I zoned out. How could I have gone to being so sure I was meant to be with Nate for the rest of my life, to wanting Chuck so bad my stomach hurt? Is that even possible? The way he was so free, so careless, so wild... I wanted to be like that for once, instead of being the good child destined to be with the angel Gabriel. I wanted something new, which unfortunatly happened to be Chuck.

_You run and you try and you're trying to hide and you're wondering why you can't get free_

At that moment, Chuck's shiny black limo rolled up, everyone looked up as Nate casually stepped out with Chuck following behind. They smoothly strolled through the well dressed teens, once they reached us Nate stopped and looked down at me. "I'm sorry for the other night, Blair," he was saying, but I was looking at Chuck stood behind him with that stupid grin on his face just because he took me home. "It's fine," was all I said, trying to get them to walk away as soon as possible. "Okay. Well, uh, bye..." Nate gave Serena a sad look, ugh, I may be over him or I may think I am, but I was still pissed about the whole oh-lets-get-off-with-my-girlfriend's-best-friend thing. Nate walked off, but Chuck didn't move.

_He's like a curse, he's like a drug, you get addicted to his love_

"You're welcome for this weekend." He carried on grinning at me, then gave me a little wink and I could have died right there. Not in front of Serena and everyone, no, no, no. He followed Nate, and Serena just gave me a puzzled look. "Oh no, what did you do, B?" she asked. "What did _I_ do?! You're the one who's off nearly having sex with my boyfriend behind my back!"

"Not here, Blair. Please."

"It was nothing anyway, Chuck just took me home."

"You sure?"

"Are you saying I'm a liar?"

"No! Just you know Chuck..."

"Well you obviously don't know me."

"Look, I'm sorry Blair, I just thought..."

_You wanna get out but he's holding you down and you can't live without one more touch..._

"I know what you thought, see ya later girls." I sighed and stood up wiping anything that might be on my skirt, then wandered over to the far wall. Just as I thought the day couldn't get any worse, Chuck appeared from around the corner. "What do you want?" I snapped as soon as I saw him. "Glad to hear you woke up on the right side this morning."

"My day was fine until you made me fight with Serena."

"Ah, but I didn't make you do anything."

"Why are you here again?"

"Just wanted to tell you that I like what you're wearing today." He looked me up and down and smiled. "Oh, please." I rolled my eyes looking unimpressed.

"Much prefer you wearing nothing, though."

"Go away, Chuck." I started to walk away back to the steps, but I could feel him following me.

"You know, ever since that party you haven't even looked at me, what's happened Blair? Why can you not stand the sight of me?" I stopped and turned around. _Because I had a dream where you loved me and everything was nice and now I can't get you out of my head. "_Because I realised that you are a self-centered, selfish man-whore and I want nothing to do with you." I said firmly.

_He's the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes and he only comes out at night_

"Harsh words, even for you, Waldorf, but I know that's not the real reason, and I will find out." I bit my lip.

"Whatever." I frowned as he walked away.

_Gives you feelings that you don't wanna fight, you better run for your life_


	5. I Hate Everything About You

_I hate everything about you, why do I love you? _

The day had gone nice and fast, so I could get away from this hell hole and avoid Chuck as much as possible. He wouldn't work it out, he couldnt... Could he? It's not like he can read minds, plus, I've been acting like I hate him. Which I do. I _hate_ him so much. Lying on my king size bed, my soft skin admiring the silvery silk sheets, I wondered what it would be like to actually be with Chuck, to have him love me, to have him want me all the time. Not that this would ever happen because I hated his guts.

Okay I wasn't going to mope around thinking about this narcisisstic pig. I picked up my cell and called Serena, it was only a little fight, she'd get over it. "Serena?" I asked into my diamond studded BlackBerry.

"B? Oh, Blair! I'm so sorry about this morning I didnt mean to I-"

"Yeah, I don't care, it doesn't matter, wanna go out?" I asked maybe a little too eagerly.

"Sure, where?"

"I'm feeling a bit rebellious, skip school tomorrow and lets go out tonight." Oh my God what the hell was I saying? Skip school?

"Really? Wow, are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine, you only live once right?" I tried to sound persuasive and sure of myself.

"Okay then... Meet me at the palace in two hours?"

"Got it," and I hung up.

I am insane. Skipping school to go out and get drunk? After the weekend I had? I dont even know what is happening to me. This whole Chuck thing is turning me into... Serena!

_All the feelings that I get, but I still don't miss you yet_

I got ready a lot faster than usual. I wore a black silk strapless mini-dress with patterned tights, and petit black shoes. My long curled locks fell just past my shoulders, held in place by a sequin butterfly slide.

After arriving at the palace, maybe an hour early, I waited for Serena at the bar admiring the wealthy boys walk by, some with girls on their arm, some with briefcases. Whilst I was rating them in my head, I heard someone speak from the right of me. "Hey," they said, I turned my head and saw a tall blonde with emerald green eyes, smiling at me with perfect white teeth and cute dimples. "Oh, hello. Do I know you?" I smiled back awkwardly.

"I don't think so, I just moved here from California. My dad should be buying a few companies up here." Oooh so pretty and rich.

"Oh, well, welcome to Manhatten. I'm Blair." I put my hand out for him to shake it. To my surprise he took my hand and slowly raised it to his mouth and kissed the back of my palm gently. "Thanks. I'm Alex, can I buy you a drink?"

"Sure."

* * *

Around two hours had gone by since I met Alex, and we were now in a club that I don't know the name of, dancing in a loud room. I knew what I was doing was wrong, that I was just trying to erase my feelings for Chuck (not that I had any) but it felt so good to just not care for once, to do what I wanted. I turned around and Alex was still dancing behind me, I shouted into his ear so he could hear me, "I'm just going to the ladies room, okay?" He nodded and I walked outside to get some air. I looked at my cell, 2 messages off Serena, 4 missed calls, and a text off Chuck. Oh dear.

Most of the texts went something like this "B, where r u? u were supposed 2 meet me!" "B im getting worried now, call me!"

Then I read the message off Chuck. "Dont go with him Blair." What? How could Chuck know that I went out with Alex? Thinking nothing of it, I went back in and carried my wild night on.


	6. He Loves You

He Loves You

_If he loves you when you're dead and gone, kiss, kiss a killer, kitty play along_

The music was pounding my ears, I could hardly see when I felt Alex's cold hands grip my arm firmly, dragging me across the room. When he finally stopped, we were in a quiet, small room, darkly lit with a leather sofa and a wooden staircase going upwards. It took me about ten seconds to shake off the dizzyness, when Alex suddenly pushed me against the wall and kissed me roughly, I didn't kiss back, but he carried on. I didn't have the strength or energy to get him off me, and it wasn't like he was doing anything wrong, was he?

My cell buzzed, giving me a reason to tell him to get off. "Get off," I simply snapped. It was just past midnight and I had 4 new messages, 3 off Chuck and 1 off Serena. Serena's read: "Okay ill talk 2 u tmrw."

_But he's crawled inside your wounded soul, he's never ever gonna let you go_

The messages off Chuck read, "Blair please listen to me dont go anywhere with him," "trust me. Please." And the newest one from 5 minutes ago read "I'm coming to get you okay?" He was coming to get me? How was he supposed to know where I was?

"Is everything okay?" Alex asked looking at my cell. I quickly put it back into my pocket.

"Yeah, listen we need to hide or something."

"Why?"

"Blair? Are you up here?" I heard Chuck's seductive voice yell from outside the door. My heart skipped a beat and I started to panic, Alex grabbed my hand and pulled me up the wooden stairs, there was a door at the top of the stairs, Alex slammed into it, opening it and there was a gush of cold air when I realised we were on the roof, looking down on New York.

_If he loves you, set your heart on fire_

Alex shut the door, took his jacket off and let me put it around my shoulders, I smiled thankfully and hoped that Chuck wouldn't come up the stairs and open the door. "Is there not a way to lock the door?" I asked looking over the edge of the roof, admiring the silence of the night.

"Who exactly are we locking out? Or in I should say." Alex leant beside me with his hand on mine.

"A friend of mine, Chuck Bass," Alex stiffened at the name and took his hand away from mine. "Do you know him?" I frowned.

_ I hate to be the one to tell you he's a liar_

"No. Never heard of him. Why is he looking for you? Is he your boyfriend?" I couldn't help but blush.

"No, he's my ex boyfriend's best friend. I don't know why he's so desperate to find me." Why was Chuck making all this effort to get me away from Alex?

"Oh. You look beautiful by the way." He moved closer.

_So call him closer, be a doll, he gives you just a taste but you want it all_

"Thank you..." I looked at the floor akwardly, he touched my chin with his soft hands, and pulled my face up slowly. He moved closer, so I could feel his breath on my lips, we were milimetres apart, his smooth warm lips brushing mine.

Then he kissed me, only gently, and I got lost in his hypnotizing eyes as he smiled at me. I looked around and saw Chuck leaning against the wall beside the door, just looking at me, he looked... dissapointed. I'd rather him be mad at me than _dissapointed_, but why? Why was he dissapointed?

_If he loves you, he loves you not._


	7. Cold As You

Cold As You

_You have a way of coming easily to me, and when you take, you take the very best of me_

"Chuck? What are you doing here?" I pulled myself up and let go of Alex's cold hand, I felt him follow behind me, keeping at a distance. Chuck stood perfectly still exactly where he was, and half smiled at me.

"What am I doing here? Hmm.." He grinned now, looking up at the sky.

"Hey, is there a problem kid?" Alex spoke, now beside me about 3 metres away from Chuck.

"Kid? Don't you remember me, Alex?" Chuck stood up and moved closer to Alex.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Alex stared blankly at the floor and didn't look at Chuck once.

_So I start a fight cause I need to feel something_

"Stop! Chuck, why are you here?!" I stood inbetween them and gave Chuck a nasty look. His eyes were fixed on Alex, his jaw clenched.

"No? How about I fill you in? Your father worked with mine, they bought companies together, worked together, they were friends. But then a green eyed blonde came along," Chuck was circling him, Alex was still looking at the floor. "and he persuaded his father to take everything, to trick my father into losing everything, and take all the money for himself. Sound familiar, Alexander?" He stopped directly in front of Alex and laughed to himself. I stood slightly confused and _cold._

"Oh, Charles," was all Alex replied.

"You never mentioned why you came." I snapped at Chuck considering he was ruining my evening, not that it was anything special.

_And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted_

"Don't worry Blair, I didn't come for you. I wanted to see whether this piece of scum would actually show his face in my city ever again," _Don't worry Blair, not for you. _Not for you. His words cut through me like a thousand knives, why did I expect him to actually come here for me? Why would he? He had no reason to, to him I'm just Blair. The girl he screwed in the back of his limo, nothing more. "And to think, I thought you had better taste, Blair," he continued. I couldn't stand there any longer, I walked away towards the door without uttering a word, tears filling up in my eyes.

_Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day, just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say_

"Blair!" I heard Alex shout, I took no notice and carried on walking back down the stairs, through the loud music and onto the quiet, cold street again.

Once I was finally home, I crept upstairs quietly, trying my best not to wake the whole house. My mother would kill me if she'd knew where I'd been. As I changed into a small night dress, I thought about how I guess I knew that Chuck would never care for anyone but himself, or his money. I suppose that's a good thing, you never get attached, so you're never heartbroken. Just like I was now. I was being stupid, getting all upset over someone I knew would never think more of me than a whore. Yet, after all this, I still can't help but hope that one day he'll change, and realize that he doesn't always have to be that way, he doesn't always have to push everyone out to protect himself.

_And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you_

_**-Chuck-**_

"See what you did now?" Alex went to shove me, I laughed at his failed attempt to scare me. "You just can't get over it can you? You were played, Charles, and I won." I was smiling sarcastically, but I was furious. I didn't want Blair to leave, the look on her face, the shine in her eyes as salty tears spilled over, it ripped me up. Of course I came for her, I didn't want her anywhere near that dirty animal.

"What _I _did? Did you actually think you had a chance with Blair?" I tried to block out the mental image of them together.

"Ohh, so this is what it's really about? Blair?" He grinned as I clenched my fists. "You jealous, Charles? See, now she hates you because you ruined her night, and because you're a selfish pig. And yes, I do think I have a chance with Blair, a much higher chance than you anyway."

"Please, she's known me all her life, and you for what? 6 hours?"

"No, she's known a conceited, self-centered, careless man who doesn't really care about her atall all her life."

"She didn't complain when I was taking her virginity."

"Oh? Wasn't that when her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend?" He sighed as I fought the urge to punch him in the face. "You were nothing but a rebound."

"No! Shut up. Just go back to wherever you came from."

"Truth hurts, ay?"

"I don't hurt."


	8. Over You

Over You

_What you said when you left just left me cold and out of breath_

The bright sun beaming through my white curtains woke me up the next morning, I sat up carefully and stretched the aches out of my tired muscles. I looked at the clock, 9.38am. Why hadn't mother woken me up for school yet? I got out of bed and slid on my silk gown and fur slippers. Walking downstairs, Dorota was making breakfast, and my mother sat in her pyjamas at the table reading the newspaper. "Mother?" I sat on the chair in front of her.

"Oh, good morning sweetheart, do you want waffles?" she smiled cheerfully.

"Um, no thanks. Why didn't you wake me up for school?"

"Oh I went too, but you looked so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you. Plus, you've been working hard in school and probably deserve a day of rest anyway."

"Oh...Well I'm going to get dressed and go shopping or something. Thanks mom." I took a grape out of the fruit bowl on the table, popped it in my mouth and ran happily up the stairs.

I opened my closet and stared into it for a while. After having no luck on clothes, I checked my cell. A message off Serena: "Im coming over after school, don't leave the house! S." And one off... Chuck. "Palace 7pm." My reply: "I dnt want 2 see u." I clicked send and smiled to myself for resisting, because the truth was, I didn't want anything more than to see him. Even if I hated him.

_And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you_

I finally found something to wear, which was nice and summery. After fixing my hair it was 12.49pm, I had 4 hours of shopping to do.

* * *

It was 3.40pm and I was walking home with 5 bags of clothes, which I probably didn't need, but it was distracting me from a certain rich boy so I didn't care. Chuck replied to my text saying, "please I just want to talk to you," I didn't reply, he didn't deserve a reply. If he wanted me, he could come and find me.

I plonked all my bags onto my bed, as I brushed my hair at my dressing table, Serena walked through my bedroom door. "Hey! Where were you today? What happened last night? Why didn't you meet me?" I pulled her down to sit on the bed behind me, and I talked to her reflection in my mirror.

"Well, last night I got to the Palace a bit early, so I waited at the bar for you. Then this super cute blonde from CA comes over and introduces himself as Alex. He asked if he could buy me a drink, I obviously said yes, we ended up in a club somewhere, and then he took me into this room and kissed me. Then I checked my cell and I had some messages off you and Chuck. Chuck's messages were weird and one of them said he was coming to find me, so me and Alex went upstairs which lead onto the roof of the club and it was really high. Me and Alex almost kiss again but then Chuck is like leaning against the wall. Him and Alex have this argument, and I leave and go home." I took a deep breath and tried to smile.

"Aw are you okay?" she hugged me and looked at all the bags of clothes I'd bought today.

"Yes I'm fine."

"Well I missed you!"

"I missed you too."

"Okay well I have a date with Dan, we've gotta hang out later okay? Call me." she kissed my cheek and left.

After unpacking all my clothes and trying them all on it was around 6.20pm, I would call Serena and hang out with her, and tell her all about my dream with Chuck and my horrifying feelings for him. Hopefully she'd understand. I decided I would talk it all out with Dorota first.

As I was sat downstairs having a talk with Dorota, the door opened but it can't have been my mother because she wasn't due home for another 2 hours. I thought it might have been Serena or Nate. Much to my delight, it was Chuck. Looking great as usual. "What are you doing?" I stood up and marched over to him.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry," he was looking directly into my brown eyes.

"What for?"

"For ruining your night, saying you had bad taste, and that I wasn't there for you."

"Well, I forgive you for the first. But the rest are the truth so why would you need to be sorry?"

"But it wasn't the truth. Of course you don't have bad taste, you lost your virginity to me after all," he winked and smiled," and I did go there for you. He wasn't worthy enough to be anywhere near you." I tried to process his words, his body language, his look.

"You like me." I found myself blurting out.

Silence.

"Yes or no?" I pushed.

"Blair..." Chuck looked nervously around the room. "I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry okay?" My cell buzzed, the message read: "tomorrow 7pm. where we met, be there." Alex.

"Okay. Thank you, Chuck," I quickly put my cell away and smiled akwardly.

"You're welcome."


	9. I Found Someone

_Don't you know, so many things come and go, like your words that once rang true, just like the love I found in you_

Today was a new day, time for me to move on and realize that Chuck is not the one for me, and that I should try new things. Starting with giving Alex a go. So what, he tricked Bart Bass into losing all his money, but Chuck and conned and played with plenty of people. People make mistakes, and I wasn't about to ruin what I had with Alex.

I was actually kind of looking forward to school, I wanted to tell Serena everything. About Chuck, the dream, everything.

_And I remember the thunder, talking about that fire in your eyes, but you walked away when I needed you most_

_* * *_

I had finally explained everything to Serena, sat in the warmth of the air sharing lunch together. Today was a good day. "So you're just going to forget about Chuck? Not even try?" she pushed her long blonde hair away from her eyes and drank her ice cold smoothie.

"Yes, what is there to remember? The way he was always a coward? The way he hides his feelings?"

"I suppose... But don't you think you could change that?"

"I'd rather love him for who he is, than the person I make him."

"Point. So, who is this Alex guy?"

"He's from Cali and he's sooo cute. His hair is longish, and the same colour as yours. His eyes are like green diamonds, he's delicious and a total gentleman. He knows how to party, too."

"Sounds like a catch, when do I get to meet him?"

"I don't know, I'm going out with him tonight."

"Well have fun," Serena grinned as Chuck walked over and stood behind her.

"Girls, I'm having a little gathering tonight at Victrola, coming?" His voice was smooth as I glared at him fiercly.

"I have a date. With Alex, sorry," I gave him a sarcastic smile and looked at Serena.

"Yeah I suppose I'll come, what about Dan?" Chuck rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he gave in as Nate decided to join us.

"Are you going, Nate?" I gave him a cheerful smile, Chuck glared back at me.

"To Chuck's thing? Yeah, you?"

"No, I have a date."

"Oh. Good for you. Serena?"

"Yes, I'm bringing Dan." Nate's face dropped slightly.

"Oh. See you there, then." I could tell that Serena was who Nate longed for, ever since that night, I could see that she was all he wanted, now a few weeks ago this would have hurt, but now I'm a new person, ready to start new things.

* * *

_Now maybe baby, I found someone, to take away the heartache, to take away the loneliness_

I was ready for my date now, and I was actually kind of nervous. If I ruined it, or he ruined it, I'd be back where I started, wondering what to do with myself. I figured the night would go smoothly, he'd buy me a drink, we'd compare interest, talk about his childhood, I'd talk about mine. He'd say something nice, maybe compliment what I'm wearing, I'd smile politely and say thank you. We'd go out for dinner, carry on our talk, he'd pay for it and drive me home where we'd finally kiss. Hopefully.

The bar wasn't packed, but nicely filled with couples, old, young, families. Alex had five minutes to get there, I figured he be a little late. I was determind to make tonight perfect, to make everything go my way.

Ten minutes went by. I thought he'd be late, but not this late.

Fifteen minutes. My second drink.

Twenty five minutes.

Thirty minutes. My third drink.

"Looking for someone?" Someone said from behind me. _Only thirty minutes late, _I thought to myself.

"Alex!" I turned around, expecting to see Alex in a posh suit with some flowers to apologize for being so late, like the gentleman he was. To my distaste, Chuck was stood there of all people. "Go away, I'd rather face humiliation all by myself than listen to you go on about it, leave me alone." I turned back to my drink.

"I haven't said a word," he sat beside me and pulled the hair away from my face.

"I know you too well, Bass. Don't you tell me that you haven't come here to laugh at my misfortune. Thought you had a little gathering going on anyway?"

"The idea was that you would come."

"I'd be flattered if I didn't hate you."

"Why do you continue to lie to yourself?"

"Why do you continue to deny it?"

"There's nothing to deny," he looked at his shined shoes.

"See, that's the denial right there." I stood up, picked up my bag and marched out. Chuck followed me, why couldn't he just leave me alone? If he was so convinced he had no interest in me whatsoever why couldn't he just stay away?

"Blair stop."

We were outside by now, near the road, cars rushing by. "Give me one reason, Chuck! I dare you! I dare you to give me one good reason why I shouldn't walk away from you!" I was almost crying, my eyes were filling up, because the truth was, I loved him. I loved him with every atom of my body, and I couldn't deny it any longer.

I looked at the road, when it was clear I made my away across to the otherside. I looked back, Chuck hadn't said a word. "See! You can't even do it! You're a coward Chuck Bass! A coward!"

"I AM NOT A COWARD!" He yelled and starting to run across the road, not bothering to look. "I'm not a coward, Blair, I lov-" As quickly as he said my name, a car smashed right into him, knocking him to the floor.

"Chuck! NO!" I screamed, my throat burned and tears were spilling out of my eyes as I ran to his side. _I love you too._


	10. We Belong Together

_**[AN: Short chapter, but I thought it was cute. I hope you enjoy!]**_

_I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you so, I should've held you tight, I never should've let you go_

The ward was quiet. The only noise was the beeping of Chuck's heart monitor, the shuffling of nurses attending the patients. I watched Chuck peacefully sleep for about three hours. Just watched. I never spoke, I never breathed heavily. I sat back in the leather chair, and I watched him rest, dream and recover. I'd asked the nurse not to let any visitors see him yet, I wanted to be alone with him. I wiped the remaining tears away from my eyes and phoned Serena. "S?" I tried to sound steady.

"OhmiGod! B! Are you okay? Is Chuck okay? What happened?"

"I'll e-explain when you get to the hospital, o-okay?"

"I'm so sorry, he'll be okay, B. He's always okay." I hung up.

_I didn't know nothing, I was stupid, I was foolish, I was lying to myself_

The doctor's said he had a few fractured ribs, and one had punctured his lung. He also had bruises in various places, cuts and scrapes along his carved face. He had surgery as soon as he was escorted to hospital, now he just needed to wake up. I was tired, so shattered. I'd been awake for God only knows how long, yet it seems only minutes had gone by. _Please wake up._ I kept thinking to myself. I couldn't bare thinking that this was my fault.

I wanted to touch him, to feel his skin against mine, to tell him he's going to be alright. My eyes were dropping, but I refused to keep them closed. Searching for even a slight movement, a flutter of an eyelid. I relaxed more, and lay back into the chair, maybe if I just rested my eyes for a few minutes...

_The feeling that I'm feeling now that I don't hear your voice, or have your touch and kiss your lips 'cause I don't have a choice_

_-Serena-_

"Excuse me," I interrupted the nurse as politely as possible. "Could you tell me where Charles Bass is located, please?" I gave her a worried smile, to try and tell her I was in a hurry.

"Ward A, bed six." She pointed to the left.

"Thank you." I started to walk quickly now, dodging the employees, trying desperately to get to Blair without disturbing anyone or causing a fuss. Bed four, bed five, bed six. Trust Chuck to have a private room. I knocked, to make sure. With no answer, I opened it and rushed in. "Oh Bla-" I went to say, when I realised, her and Chuck were both fast asleep. Blair's hand clenched around his, still tensed, even though I could tell she was asleep. I wanted to take a picuture of this moment, minus the bruises, the scratches, the hospital. I wanted to take a picuture of them both, peaceful, protective, loving. As they lay there, hand in hand in silence, I realised. They are meant to be together.

People don't believe in fate, they question destiny, but these two people, who have hurt, loved, lied, denied, cried, everything. They are meant for each other. I kissed Blair's forehead, and walked out of the door smiling.

_Oh, what I wouldn't give to have you lying by my side, right here, 'cause baby, we belong together_


	11. Broken

_In the moonlight, your face it glows like a thousand diamonds, I suppose_

_-Chuck-_

I forced my tired eyes open, my chest throbbed as if I was continuously being beaten. I scanned the quiet room. The white lights were stinging my eyes, the sound of my heart monitor pounding in my ears. I looked to the left of me, in the leather chair was the most beautiful girl in the world, she looked even more precious when she was sleeping. Blair was gripping onto my hand, like a protective mother does to her child. I watched her for a little while, then decided it would be best for her to go home and rest.

_And your hair flows, like the ocean breeze, not a million fights could make me hate you_

I placed delicately on her head and stroked her soft hair. "Blair?" I whispered softly, my throat itching. "Blair, wake up." I slowly moved my hand from hers as she opened her heavy eyes.

"Chuck!" Blair shot up with a huge smile on her face. "Are you okay? How long have you been awake? I'm so sorry!" I tried to laugh but my aching ribs wouldn't let me, so I smiled and pulled her down back onto the chair.

"Shh. I'm fine, I've been awake for about twenty minutes, and it wasn't your fault."

"Do you need anyth-"

"Blair, listen," I interupted her and made sure there was no one around. "About what I said, well what I was going to say, before the accident..."

_And in your eyes, is where I find peace_

"No, just rest okay? Don't worry about that. Don't talk. Let me do the talking," she moved the chair around, so she was sitting closer to me, in front of me. "See, the reason I've hated you, or pretended to hate you is because I was scared. I was scared that you'd hurt me, which you did anyway. The thing is, I love you. I've loved you ever since that night in the limo, the way you treated me, the way you worried, the way you tried to protect me. I can see past that wall you hold up, the wall that keeps everyone away from how you really feel. I know you, Chuck, and I know you love me too."

"Thank you for staying with me," was all I could reply, but she understood. She always would. "You should go home, everyone is probably worrying about you."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Okay as I'll ever be."

-_Blair-_

I collapsed onto my bed, it was just past midnight, mother was asleep. Tomorrow would be a busy day. Would Chuck finally give in? I didn't know, but I hoped so. I longed to be able to call him mine, to show everyone that he's not the person everyone thinks he is. I'd slept for hours, yet I was still tired. I peacefully closed my eyes, and dreamt the night away.

"Blair! Rise and shine sweeheart. Chuck discharged himself from hospital and we thought it'd be a nice idea to throw him a welcome home party, he likes parties, right?" I forced my eyes open, stared confused at my mother.

"What? He did what?! He's not better yet! Ugh."

"He said he felt fine and fit enough to come home."

"Fine. I'll talk to him about it later. So, when's this party?"

"Six hours." I looked at the clock, 11am. Six hours to find an outfit, caterers, guest list. Sounds like a challenge.

"Okay." I shooed my mother away. "DOROTA!" she waddled through my bedroom door.

"Yes, miss Blair?"

"Party, six hours. Step on it." Dorota nodded and walked away as Serena strolled through the door.

"Party?" She grinned. I winked at her and dragged her to my wardrobe.

"What shall I wear?" I scanned my clothes.

"Wear that really nice silk red dress with that lace at the top," she pulled it out, "and these shoes," she pointed to a black and red pear of high heels.

"I'm not going to a berlesque party, Serena!"

"What?! It looks nice."

"Ugh, you are no use to me. Help Dorota." she playfully punched my arm and walked off. I decided to wear a dark purple one shoulder dress, with black shoes. Not too slutty, not too sophisticated. I saved the slutty-ness for the underwear.

Two hours to go. The guest list was ready, invitations sent out. Caterers preparing the food. I was in the hall, leaning against the wall, taking deep breaths. I wanted tonight to go so well, I wanted Chuck to be better. I wanted everything to be better. Apparently I spoke to soon.

"Well, well, well." Alex said as he walked over to my side. "Hello, beautiful."

"Stay away from me." I tried to walk away, but he gripped my arm.

"What's the matter baby? Didn't you miss me?" he teased and pulled me in front of him. "Looks like my little stunt didn't put Chuck down for too long, hmm.." My face filled with anger.

"You... did that to Chuck. On purpose."

"Honey, I wasn't going to let him away with my prize." He moved closer to my face.

"You disgust me." I tried to pull away but he was too strong.

"Mmm, angry. Just how I like them. Now, you're going to take me into that lovely home of yours," he was whispering on my neck, "and you're not going to say a word to anyone. You're going to go straight upstairs and lock the door. If anyone talks to you, I'm fixing a rip in your dress, which technically won't be a lie."

"Or what?"

I felt cold metal press against my naked back, and the click of a trigger. I gulped and took a deep breath, trying not to scream.

"Or else."


	12. For Your Entertainment

_Do you know what you got into? Can you handle what I'm about to do? 'Cause it's about to get rough for you_

Alex held the gun against my spine and pushed me towards to door, I opened it hoping no one would see us. Unfortunatly, Dorota was stood holding a flower pot just a few meters away. "Miss Blair, who is this man?" she asked looking curiously at Alex as he took the gun slowly away from back so she wouldn't see.

"He's fixing a rip in my dress, I'll be ready for the party, don't worry," I tried not to stutter, I wanted to cry. I reluctantly walked upstairs as slowly as he would let me.

_I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet, you thought an angel swept you off your feet _

Once we were in my room, he carefully placed the gun on my bedside table, closed the curtains and locked the door. I couldn't breathe and my heart was pounding. "Don't do this, Alex, please I'll give you anything," I begged.

"Shh begging ruins the mood. Be quiet and do as I say." he pushed my down on the bed and softly kissed my collar bone, exploring my body with his hands. I let out a single tear and bit my lip, _please don't do this, make it stop,_I silently thought to myself. I was trapped.

_Well I'm about to turn up the heat, I'm here for your entertainment _

_-Chuck-_

It was almost six o clock as I made my way to Blair's house, I knew she'd be angry that I discharged myself even though I wasn't completely better, but I couldn't stand it in there any longer. I just wanted to see her and finish what I started. "The Waldorf house, please," I instructed my driver. The traffic wasn't that bad considering it was a Saturday afternoon, and the sun was shining. Today was a good day.

My limo pulled up and I quickly got out, wanting to see Blair as soon as possible. To see her smile, to see her happy. To know I made her happy. It would be the best feeling in the world. I've always grown up being a dissapointment, making everyone else miserable. So when you know you can make someone happy, it's a big deal.

I went to grab the handle of the door as it opened before me. Alex stood with a smug grin on his face and slowly walked past. I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to a halt. "What are you doing here?" I almost spit.

"I think you mean, _who _am I doing here?" He pushed my hand away, laughed to himself and walked out. I stormed into the house, Dorota's face dropped as she stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"Mister Chuck! You are not supposed to be here yet! It was supposed to be surprise!"

"Why was that man here, Dorota?"

"He fix Miss Blair's dress."

"Where is she?"

"She went to her room, she has not come out yet," she pointed upstairs, I marched past her, ran up the stairs and forced Blair's door open. She was sat on the edge of her bed, staring at her lap, shaking. "Blair?" I sped over to her and knelt down in front of her, she was crying and shivering, so I put my jacket around her bare shoulders. "What was Alex doing here?" she sobbed more when I mentioned his name. "Blair... speak to me." I pushed.

"Ch-chuck?" Blair slowly lifted her head and looked at me with her shiny brown eyes.

"Yes?"

"Hold me for a little while? Don't talk." I frowned at her, slightly confused. Then I stood, picked her up and carried her over to the otherside of the bed and lay her down as she hugged the pillow. I stroked the hair away from her face, then lay beside her, holding her close to me. We stayed like this, in silence for what seemed like hours, when Dorota quietly walked through the door. "Mister Chuck?" she whispered.

"Blair won't be joining everyone tonight, she's not feeling too well. Tell them all to leave." I slowly pulled myself off the bed, trying not to wake her. I kissed her forehead and whispered quietly in her ear, "I love you."


	13. Alone

_I scream at the sky, it's easier than crying, I'm shyest when I'm shouting out loud_

Brunch with my mother was not the plan. After I'd woke up sound in my bed, hoping and praying last night had been an awful nightmare, I was supposed to meet with Chuck, but he had something to take care of. Unfortunatly last night was real. I felt dirty and used, I'd showered 4 times since and I hadn't spoken two words all day. "Blair are you okay? You don't seem yourself today," my mother asked. I looked up at her and wanted to scream. _No, I'm not okay, I was raped last night and I can't tell anyone without everyone I love being hurt._ Instead, I left my untouched food and walked out.

_I feel so alone in a room full of people, I'm loneliest in a crowd_

I dialed Chuck's number outside the cafe and let it ring three times. "Blair?" I heard Chuck's voice say down the phone. I couldn't speak. "Blair, are you there?" I opened my mouth to say something back, but the words wouldn't come out. "Go to my penthouse, wait there for me, I'll be back in half an hour," and he hung up.

The silence in the elevator on the way up to Chuck's penthouse was excruiciating. I needed noise to focus on anything else but his face. I had no idea what to do with myself now. The doors pinged and slid open, I took a deep breath and walked into his clean penthouse, dumped my bag on the floor and collapsed onto the leather sofa. I reached for the television remote and switched it on, I clicked onto the music channels and turned the volume to 100%. I closed my eyes and pretended to listen.

_I'm alone, I just need somebody to take my hand and pick me up when I'm feeling down_

I heard a muffled voice in the background, but the music was too loud and I didn't want to open my eyes. "Blair!" Someone shook me, my eyes burst open, I realised I had been holding my breath, and the music was gone. Chuck was knelt beside me looking worried and confused. "Blair you are going to have to talk to me at some point. What the hell happened?" I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone.

"Nothing, he just came to my house, said a few words and left." I forced myself to speak.

"Then why are you acting so weird?"

"How am I acting weird?" I faked a smile.

"You have barely spoken, you haven't eaten."

"I haven't had anything to say, and you know I don't enjoy food." He frowned.

_Somebody to take my heart, give it a home_

"Right." He put an end to the conversation and walked to his room. I heaved a sigh and wished everything would just go away. I needed something to distract me. "Chuck?" I yelled to make sure he heard me. He leant on the door way. "Can I stay here for a while?" I asked.

"As long as you want," he half smiled.

"Can Serena come over?"

"Yes. Can I go out with Nate?" He sarcastically asked, as if he needed to. I grinned as he walked back into his room, I assumed, to get changed. I sent a message to Serena telling her to come to Chuck's penthouse with junk food and some good movies. I felt like a girls night to make me feel okay again.

Serena arrived quickly with a designer bag I imagined was filled with everything for tonight. "Hey!" she smiled cheerfully and sat beside me. "Are you okay? Your mom said you were being strange," she frowned at me.

"I'm fine, what did you bring?"

"The Notebook, Mean Girls, chocolate and wine."

"I remember why you're my best friend now."

"Where's Chuck?"

"In his room, he's going out with Nate."

"Ah. Well, let's get this show on the road," she grinned and gave me a massive hug, and just like that, I felt whole again.


	14. Last Name

_And I don't even know his last name, my momma would be so ashamed_

We had watched The Notebook, cried our eyes out, and just finished Mean Girls and laughed our hearts out. We'd had too much to drink and it was 1am, I felt dizzy but wide awake. All the chocolate was gone, and only half a bottle of wine out of 3 left. "I think we should sleep," Serena advised, I just giggled.

"I'm not even tired."

"Me either."

"I missed you."

"I never went," she assured me.

"But I missed this! These stupid nights, I love them," I smiled.

"Shut up, that's the wine talking," she winked and pulled the cover over us both as I lay my head on her shoulder.

_It started out "Hey cutie, where are you from?" and it turned into, "Oh no, what have I done?" _

My eyes flew open as I heard the door open, I realised me and Serena had fell asleep, but not for long because I still felt drunk and unaware of everything. "Did I wake you?" Chuck asked while he calmly walked to his bar.

"Yeah, but I wasn't tired anyway, where have you been?" I said quietly so I didn't wake Serena.

"Out with Nate, did you girls have fun?"

"Yes." I stumbled off the sofa, and tried to walk over to Chuck. He was sat on a stool downing a small glass of whatever he was drinking. I took the glass away from his hand and set it down on the marble bar. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he whispered, "you're drunk," inbetween kisses to my neck. I twirled my fingers in his hair and sat in his lap.

"Mmm, no talking, Bass," I continued to plant kisses down his neck as I unbuttoned his shirt, I could feel him breathing onto my chest. He held onto me as he stood up, my legs wrapped tightly around his waste. He carried me over to his room and lay me on the bed, kicked the door shut and finished what I started.

"Morning sleepyheads!" Serena burst in Chuck's bedroom door fully dressed, she opened the curtains wide and let the bright sunlight in. Chuck had wrapped his arms around my naked skin, I rolled over and kissed his nose.

"Morning sunshine," he replied.

"C'mon love birds, it's a lovely day," we continued to ignore her. "You can't stay in here forever!" she winked at me, gave up and walked out. I laughed into Chuck's chest as he kissed my head.

"Sadly, she's right."

"Please don't make me move," I pouted. I was happy and content right where I was.

"I have work to do."

"Not yet."

"I'm glad you're yourself again," he stroked the hair away from my face. At the reminder, my face dropped and my amazing mood was gone. I suddenly had the urge to cry.

"You know, I've changed my mind. It is a nice day and you do have work to do," I pulled myself out of bed, and slid on his shirt.

"Hey, you can tell me anything, you know that right?" he asked. I looked over at him, and considered this for a moment.

"Yes," I lied.


	15. Messed Up

**[AN: Chapters might not be coming so fast anymore because I'm starting a Vampire Diaries fic, but don't worry I won't abandon this one!]**

_Another day wasted out of time, I can't get out of this altered state of mind_

"Dan is so sweet, I really like him you know. I think... I think I might even love him, B," Serena had been going on about Dan all morning. Morning break was warm today but my mood wasnt. I was feeling moody and tired for no reason at all.

"That's great. I'm happy for you," I sighed. Serena shuffled to the step below the one I was sat on and looked up at me worryingly.

"Are you okay?" she rubbed my leg obviously trying to comfort me, but I really wasn't in the mood.

"I'm fine."

"You've been acting weird for two days. What's up?" She was right though, I had been acting strange and irritated for the past couple of days, but I had no reason. Things were fine with Chuck, he was being the gentleman I knew he always was deep down. I hadn't heard anything from... him. Alex. Things were fine.

_I'm going overboard, my conscience meets decline into reality. I know this can't be fine_

"Honestly, I don't know. If I did, I'd tell you," I gave her a hearty smile and pulled her back up next to me.

"Okay. So Dan, well he-" Serena stopped when she was interrupted by me holding my hand to my mouth.

"S, I don't feel well. I'll be back later." I stood quickly and walked around the corner, where no one could see me. I lifted my hand away from my mouth and violently vomited into a bin there. Ugh. I figured it was because after not eating for a while, yesterday I just had this urge. I ate. A lot.

"Well, isn't that attractive?" The voice. _His voice. _I turned slowly around and looked at him in horror.

"Stay away from me," I warned.

"Aw didn't like our date?"

"Leave me alone."

"You don't have many manners, do you Waldorf?"

"None for you, leave now. I'll call the police and tell them everything."

"Will you now?" He grinned, "and why would they believe a little slut like Blair Waldorf?"

"What do you want from me?"

"Not feeling too well, huh? Apparently you've been a real bitch these last few days. Why did you throw up, Blair?"

"Why do you care? It's because I ate a lot yesterday and I haven't been eating much before then. No big deal."

"Oh, really? And if you haven't been eating, why did you suddenly eat yesterday?"

"I just did. I felt like it. You can go now."

"But I'm having so much fun screwing up your life," he continued, "plus, I might have outdone myself here, hmm, throwing up, mood swings, eating a lot... Sounds familiar, don't you think?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Have a good day, Blair." He winked and walked away.

_'Cause I'm all messed up, making perfect nonsense, drowning in my doubt too well_

I felt like I had been holding my breath the whole time. I put on a brave face but I was so scared, so shaken. I wanted to curl up on the floor and cry. Why did all this have to happen to me? I pulled my cell out and rang Chuck. "Chuck?" My voice shook.

"What's wrong? Where are you?"

"I'm near the back of school. Please come get me?"

"Okay, stay there."

I hung up and promised myself I wouldn't cry and let my guard down. Chuck could never know what Alex did to me, if he did, bad things would happen, and I didn't need anymore of that. I was still trying to figure out what Alex meant by what he said, all the things... I didn't get it.

"Now what is Miss Waldorf doing near a bin around the back of school?"

"Ugh. I was sick. I just want to go home."

"Okay I'll sort it out with school, get in the limo," he put his arm around me and walked me to his limo, I stepped in slowly trying not to be sick again. "Take her home," he ordered his driver, and off I went.

My mother wasn't there when I got home, thankfully. I didn't feel like explaining why I came home from school early. What I did feel like was going to sleep and not waking up for a few days. I suddenly felt so _tired. _I went to my room and lay down, my eyes dropping without me even realizing.

As I slept, I dreamt. I dreamt that it was Summer, and I was lay on a porch in a bathing suit and a straw hat. My dark sunglasses protected my eyes from the bright light shining from the sun, I could hear water when I saw water sprinklers on a very green lawn spraying two young children laughing and playing. "Mommy!" the little boy shouted and ran over to me, "Where's daddy? he asked. The other boy followed after him.

"Yeah, where's daddy?" the other one repeated.

"I'm right here kids!" Someone shouted, I looked around the boys to see Alex stood on the lawn, holding his arms out to embrace the children.

"Blair, wake up," I heard another voice whisper. I sprung up right in bed, I was sweating and breathing hard.

"Chu-"

"Shh, it was just a dream," he pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arm around me, "are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay now," I sighed heavily and held my stomach with his hand, and just like that, I understood.


	16. Secrets

_I need another story, something to get off my chest _

"Are you busy?" I asked Chuck quietly as I lay into his chest on my bed. I just wanted to relax for a while, to be happy even just for a bit. I wanted to cry with laughter, to get my hair all messed up, the lie around in sweats, to be able to wear no make-up and still feel beautiful. Only Chuck could make me feel that way.

"Why? Planning something?" He replied and kissed my shoulder with his warm lips. There was no gurantee I was pregnant, and even if I was there was a possibility it'd be Chuck's, which wouldn't be that bad. I just wanted to forget everything for a day.

_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away _

"With you, actually," I played with his strong hands in my lap.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Hmm, movies, sweats, games and junk food?" I turned to his face and gave him an angelic smile.

"Ah." He chuckled and kissed my cheek.

"What? Not good enough for you in sweats, Bass?" I winked.

"Mmm, I prefer you in less."

"That could be arranged if you play your cards right," I teased and stepped off the bed."Please?" I begged playfully. "You know I havent been feeling well and if I ask Serena she'll ramble on about her precious Dan, and I miss you," I walked around the bed and grabbed his tie. "I'm sure I could make sweats look sexy," I pulled his tie, dragging him up towards me. He half smiled and put his hands around my waist.

" What am I ever going to do with you?" He gave in and kissed my forehead.

"Whatever you want to," I looked up at him and smiled, his soft brown eyes were memorizing.

Hours had passed, pillows ruined, movies watched, food gone. We were hysterical laughter after having our pillow fight and he wouldn't stop tickling me. "Chuck, stop!" I grinned and collapsed onto the messed up bed. He collapsed beside me still smiling. I hadn't seen him smile this much in one day for a long time, and it made me happy.

"You know we're going to have to clean this up." He reminded me.

"Later, I'm having too much of a good time."

"Me too, for once." He pulled me over, and I sat on his stomach with my legs either side of his chest. I leant down and kissed him soflty. I needed to tell him, he needed to know the truth about everything.

"I really don't want to ruin the mood but..." Even thinking about it brought tears to my eyes, I got off of him and leant against the headboard.

"What is it?" He sat up next to me and held my small hand.

"Alex..." His jaw stiffened and his grip on my hand tightened.

"What did he do, Blair?" He asked bluntly.

"He...we..." Tears spilled over.

"You... had sex with him." He let go of my hand and sighed, "I knew I could tru-"

"No! I didn't want to! He made me, it was-" I couldn't carry on, I was in hysterics by now and I couldn't contain myself.

"He made you? So what, he raped you?" Chuck frowned and grabbed onto my shoulder, "you need to tell me, okay?"

"He raped me, and I think I'm pregnant," I said between sobs. Chuck jumped off the bed and pulled out his cell.

"I'm going to kill him," he spit with clenched teeth. He dialed a number and let it ring, "Nate. Yeah, remember Alex? Yeah well, he's back and I need you get him somewhere without him knowing I'll be paying a visit. Okay? Thanks."

"Chuck what are you doing, please, I don't want you to ge-" He knelt down at the side of the bed, I turned to face him as he cupped my face with his hands.

"I'm not going to let him get away with this, okay? You're going to be okay. We're going to be okay. I promise he won't hurt you, or me, or anyone ever again." I held my eyes closed to stop the tears falling, I nodded and bit my lip. He gently kissed my eyelids and walked out. _Please be okay._

-Chuck-

Nate had sent him to the roof of the palace, apparently he thought he was going to meet a nice young girl, well he was going to get the shock of his life. I was half way up the stairs now, wondering what I would do, say... How could he even touch her? The thought of a little demon like Alex being inside Blair, _my _Blair made me want to be physically sick. He had has his dirty little hands all over what belonged to me.

I opened the heavy door and he was stood looking over the edge of the building. It took everything in me not to run over and push him straight over the edge. He heard the door close and turned around.

"Ah, Chuck. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He started to walk towards me with that smug grin on his face.

"Blair told me what you did to her," I walked forward, too.

"Oh, did she now?"

"Yep, she did. Did you know she thinks shes pregnant?"

"I had my assumptions. Must be a real bummer for you, huh?"

"You're loving this aren't you?" I couldn't resist any longer, I swung my arm hard and punched him in the jaw. He fell back and rubbed his mouth with his hand.

"Getting brave I see, well it's just a shame you can't go to the police isn't it?" I looked at him puzzled. "Because if you went to the police, I could so easily tell them what _you _did."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't remember, do you?"


	17. What Do You Want From Me?

_[AN: Short chapter. Trying to decide what Blair should do now, leave me some ideas 3]_

_Just don't give up, I'm workin' it out _

I was lay sleepless in Chuck's bed waiting for him to come home. He still hadn't come back from dealing with Alex, I just hoped he was okay. On the otherhand I had my own problems to deal with, including this baby problem. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't keep it... But I couldn't get rid of it. Could I? I don't think Chuck could even manage to have a child of his own, let alone someone elses.

I tried to imagine my future raising a baby. Alex's baby. He'd probably come up with some sick plan to get partial custody or something ridiculous like that. I wouldn't be able to go to college, Chuck would leave me, because I can't see him wanting a child when he's only just learnt how to stick to one woman. Especially when it was the child of someone he loathed. I'd thought about telling the cops everything, but I was too scared. I knew what Alex was capable of.

I couldn't sleep without knowing Chuck was okay so I lay silently in the dark, hoping that any minute he would stroll through the door without a scratch and tell me everything will be fine.

I had to figure out something.

_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

Maybe if I convinced Chuck the baby was his... but he'd still be mad. Chuck wasn't the kind of person to want a family at this age. Plus my whole education and future would be ruined. Maybe I could get rid of the baby and tell him I was never pregnant atall...

Could I live with myself though? It was practically murder... But it was _Alex. _

"You still awake?" Chuck whispered from the door way.

"Chuck!" I sat up in the bed and searched for his face in the dark. I felt him climb onto the bed still fully clothed as he lay next to me. "What did you do? Is he gone? Are you okay?" A flood of question came rushing out of my mouth.

"I took care of him, I'm fine."

"You took care of him? How so?"

"Doesn't matter, he's gone now, go to sleep." He told me. I fake smiled and curled back up under the covers. I felt Chuck lie down so I turned over and lay my head on his chest, drfiting peacefully off to sleep.


	18. Destruction

_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears_

"So are you okay now?" Serena asked concerned. We were having lunch in a small yet elegant cafe whilst Chuck was working and Dan was elsewhere. Serena's mess of blonde silky hair was tied neatly into a bun because of the warm weather, her flawless golden tan stunned everyone she came close to.

"Yep. I'm great," I lied smoothly. The truth was I still didn't know what to do. I still had this monster's baby inside me. I knew for sure now, I'd still been vomiting and eating more than usual, my mood swings flying all over the place. Chuck said the decision was mine, he would respect my decision no matter what, but he didn't think we were anywhere near ready to have a child, and he didn't think he could handle knowing it was Alex's.

I looked around the quiet room when I heard the sweet bell of the door chime to welcome someone in. Alex had entered the shop with a massive grin on his face. "I think we should leave, let's go shopping," I urged Serena, but Alex had already noticed me.

"Blair!" My breath quickened as he yelled my name. "What a lovely surprise to see you here!" He smiled and looked at Serena. "Who's your fr- Well, if it isn't Serena van der Woodsen."

"You know her?" I asked trying to hide the fear in my voice.

"Oh, Alex, hi... I didn't think I'd see you again," Serena scratched her head awkwardly and looked away. Alex sat beside me taking a bite out of my sandwich.

"Me and Serena had a thing going on while we were at boarding school. Golden couple of the summer, weren't we?" I looked at them both in horror.

"Yeah..." She looked at the table uncomfortably.

"We were just leaving," I told him. I tried to text Chuck under the table with no one noticing, _I thought u took care of Alex, hes here now. Sat right next to me in the cafe with Serena, _I said.

I went to stand but he pulled me down. I shuddered at his touch.

"But I only just got here. Serena, would you mind giving me and Blair a minute?" Obviously Serena accepted thinking me and Alex had a thing going. I was terrified by now, my breathing erratic.

"Sure. I'll call you later, B," she winked.

"Ah, finally. I've missed you," he stroked my cheek as I held my eyes tightly shut.

"Why won't you leave me alone?"

"I was planning on doing, but now you have something of mine," he placed his hand on my stomach.

"It won't be there for long."

"Oh? Well, better for me not to be tied down."

"You're sick."

"I prefer eccentric," he put his hand on my leg. I tensed and bit my lip when I heard the bell ring again.

"Alex, we had a deal," Chuck's voice came from accross the room as he walked towards us. Alex took his hand off of me and put it on the table while I quickly stood beside Chuck and held his.

"Haven't you learnt that deals mean nothing to me?" Alex stood.

"Evidently, but I'm going to need you to stay away from us. From Blair."

"Or what?"

"I will continue to make your existance a misery until you regret the day you were born."

"Sounds like something Blair would do," he said smugly. And then I knew I couldn't keep this thing inside me. I just couldn't.

"I will destroy you, I promise," Chuck told Alex and pulled me away.


	19. Change Your Mind

_Sit down, you're thinking, there's no one to watch you _

"Have you decided what to do yet?" Chuck was obviously talking about the baby situation. We had gone back to his penthouse after the Alex incident with Serena, Chuck was clearly still infuriated no matter how much he tried to hide it.

"I think so. I don't think I could deal with knowing that the father isn't you," I said putting my bag on the table and sitting down. Chuck sipped at a small glass of scotch then sat beside me, brushing his fingers through his neat hair. I tried to study him, to figure out what he thought about my decision. "Are you okay with that?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course I am. Can you really imagine me raising a child, Blair?" he chuckled softly, put his strong arm around my shoulder and pulled me in to kiss my head. I smiled and lay down in his lap.

"But you do know there is a slight possibility it could be yours, right?"

"Are you willing to take that risk though?"

"I guess you're right."

"I'm sorry," he looked down at me, and I could see that my pain was tearing him up inside, "I'll make him pay, I promise." He gulped while stroking my messy hair.

"I know you will, but I should probably go and get it dealt with now."

"Whatever you want."

_Skip time, you're thinking, there's no one to stop you_

I forced myself up and gave him a quick kiss, quickly walking to my baby's execution.

Once I was at the clinic, I fought back the urge to cry. I was stronger than this, I knew I was. I always had been with the childhood I'd had. I couldn't hide the realization that I was going to murder an innocent child, but what else could I do? Without the burden of a child, my life would be normal. I could get an education, a job, and have a child when I was ready to the man I love.

If I didn't go through with it, my mother would be furious, my whole future ruined. Chuck would probably support me, but deep down know that it was the wrong thing to do. I couldn't live with that.

But maybe, If I did keep it, I could still have all that. I could still get a good education, I could still get a good job, I could still have the future I've always dreamed of. Plus, there was the slight chance that the baby was Chuck's. I would never know if I went through with this.

I walked in with a headache, confused, too much thinking. The bright lights hurt my eyes and made my head pound harder. "Can I help you dear?" The lady behind the desk asked.

"I'm... here to abort my baby."

The lady took me to a small room with a doctor sitting behind a neat desk. He made me explain the situation I was in.

"You are aware that you need to tell someone?"

"No, I can't. Please, just do this for me," I begged.

"I'm so sorry," he said, "are you sure you want to do this?" I nodded.

He gave me a hospital gown to change into and escorted me to a bathroom to change in. I lowered the toilet seat and sat in silence for a few minutes, taking deep breaths. _I can do this. _No, I can't. _Yes I can. _I clenched my eyes together and threw the gown to the floor, running out of the clinic holding my breath. I sat down on the concrete steps, I had no one to turn to. I quickly dialed a number into my cell, "Nate? I need help."

-Chuck-

"When I told her I'd taken care of you, I meant it," I snapped down the phone.

"Clearly." Alex replied sarcastically.

"This time, I will take care of you. And if you're lucky, you'll live to tell Blair the tale."

"Threats, Chuck? Really?"

"Believe me, it's not a threat, it's a promise," I hung up.


	20. Like Old Times

"Blair, what are you doing here?" Nate read the sign outside of the hospital and sat beside me on the concrete steps. I carefully rubbed my eyes so I didn't smudge my make-up as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

I'd always been so comfortable with Nate. Looking back, our relationship wasn't a relationship at all. We had just become so comfortable with eachother over the years, it made _sense_ to be together, like we had nothing left than to be with eachother. It didn't hurt anymore, what happened with me and Nate. It was for the best really, because in the end me and Nate would just get bored of eachother, and Nate was a good guy, he was too good for me.

"Everything's wrong! My life is falling apart, I don't know what to do," I buried my face in my palms and leaned on his shoulder.

"Hey, shh! Let's get you home, okay?" He moved his arm around my waist, pulling me up, "then you can tell me what happened."

My eyes were closed the whole drive home with Nate at my side. It felt nice just being with someone who wasn't complicated, who knew what you loved, what you hated, who could probably tell what you're thinking at any moment. The car stopped outside my house, I stepped out into the cold wind with Nate and walked in.

"Now, explain," he pulled my hand to sit me on the sofa. I relaxed beside him and prepared myself to live through it all again. I decided to get the worst over with.

"I'm pregnant," I quietly announced. Nate's eyes widened, then frowned with concern.

"Chuck?"

"Possibly."

"Possibly? Oh, Blair, you didn't."

"No! I... was raped."

"WHAT?!"

"Please only Chuck knows, I don't want a big deal made of it," I begged.

"A big deal? You were raped!"

"I didn't ask for you to yell at me, I asked for your help."

"I'm sorry."

"I decided to abort the baby, but I got to the clinic and I just couldn't do it. What am I going to do?"

"What did Chuck have to say about all this?"

"He said he respected anything I chose to do, but I know he was unsure really, you know Chuck, he's only just learnt how to express himself to me," I was so stressed and confused. I didn't understand why all this was happening to me. I'd never felt so alone before.

"Blair, you say there's a possibility that this kid is Chuck's. So what if it is? Then it's okay that you're pregnant. Sure, you're a little young and it might make the future a bit harder for you. But you're Blair Waldorf. You can achieve anything you wish to. I know you can, I know you'll be okay, I believe in you, Blair," Nate gave me a heart warming smile and it all came back to me what I loved about him. He was so caring and generous, always putting everyone elses feelings first. I held back the tears and moved closer to him, breathed in his scent and leaned to kiss him. At first, he didn't move away, but realization his us both as we moved apart.

"Blair, you love Chuck," he told me. I blushed with humiliation, I didn't know what had came over me, it'd been so long since I hadn't felt alone.

"I know. I'm sorry, it's just everyth-"

"It's okay," he interrupted. He lay back on the sofa and pulled me with him. He wrapped his arm around my neck and kissed my forehead, "it's okay." he repeated.

-Chuck-

"I'm looking for your son," I obviously wasn't looking for Alex, but I knew his father would be, and as long as Alex was in Manhatten, I could give him and his beloved father a lovely family reunion.

"I'm looking for him too, actually. Ever since he ran away from my company, with half of my earnings I might add, I've been keen to find him." His father replied down the phone.

"I have a slight idea where he might be. Do you think you could get a flight out to Manhatten?"

"I'm already in New York on a business trip, why?"

"Excellent."


	21. Looking Up

I had come to the infomed decision that I would try and go back to normal. No more tears, no more hurt, no more stress. Nate had helped me with my decision. I would keep my baby, and pray to God that it would be Chuck's. If not, I would love him or her unconditionally anyway, because he or she was still a part of me.

Soon it would be my 18th birthday, and I was determined to make it as normal, and fantasticly amazing as possible. I had spent the whole school day deciding all of these things, and it was giving me a headache.

"Dorota, it's my birthday soon. You know what to do," I gave her a mischevious smile and continued to look at the newest dresses from my magazine.

"Yes Miss Blair. Mister Chuck called, he will be here soon."

"Thank you," Chuck had said he would take care of Alex for good this time, I didn't know how he would do it, but I knew he could. Finally, I thought everything was falling into place. Maybe not the way I had hoped or expected it too, but for once, I was genuinely happy. Maybe a baby would bring me and Chuck even closer together, it would make us both a lot more grown up.

I flipped the page when I noticed that Dorota was still cleaning around the house.

"Dorota! I thought I told you, it's my _birthday _in less than a week," I snapped and looked confused at her.

"I will start party plans tomorrow." she replied.

"Ugh," I huffed, trying not to ruin my sudden brighter outlook on my new complicated life.

"And what are you huffing at?" Chuck asked as he walked through the door. His half smile locked my eyes to his face.

"Nothing, nothing," I stood and happily walked to his side, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Well, what's got into you?" He raised his eyebrows. I gave Dorota a glaring look, signalling that she should leave.

"I have decided to have a optimistic outlook on my current stressful life."

"I'm glad to hear it. Tell me, what is stressful about it now? I have gotten rid of Alex, you have taken care of the baby," I looked nervously up at him. Would he be angry?

"About that... I couldn't do it. I got there, and I just, I broke down," I looked at the floor with shame. I hoped he wouldn't be angry, that would be the last thing I needed.

"You decided to tell me this now?" He gripped my shoulders, "who was with you?"

"No one at first, but then I called... Nate," I hit a nerve.

"_Nate? _So, instead of calling me, you called your ex boyfriend and my best friend?" He snapped, rubbing his chin. Now I thought about it, why did I call Nate? Wouldn't calling Chuck be the first thing I'd do?

Guilt swept through me, not only had I called him, I tried to _kiss _him. Chuck was a broken man, after everything he's been through. I didn't know how much more he could take.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to do. I'm so comfortable with Nate now, I just-"

"It's fine," he turned away placing his hands on the table. I put my hand on his shoulder and tried to get him to turn around.

"It's obviously not fine. Chuck, you don't have to worry about me and Nate. Me and Nate are over, I love you, not him," he closed his eyes.

"I'm not worried about you and Nate, I just wished you would have called me instead."

"I'm so sorry," I kissed the shoulder of his suit.

He sighed and stood back up, I gave him an apologetic smile.

"So, what if this baby turns out to be Alex's?"

"I'll deal with it. Even if Alex is the dad, it will be _our _baby," I said. Surprisingly he smiled wide.

"Our baby. I like that," at his reply, I was suddenly over joyed. I reached up and pressed his mouth to mine, kissing him with everything I had. Every happy thought I'd ever have, I put into that kiss, everything was going to be fine. Just like we said.

"I love you," I breathed as we parted.

"I love you too," he simply replied.

"So... it's my birthday next week," I smiled angelically.

"How could I forget?"

"So you didn't?"

"Of course not. By the way, I don't think you should have a party this year," my eyes widened. "I think you should spend it with me, go out to dinner, massage, mani-pedi, you name it, it's yours." He stroked my cheek.

As much as I was looking forward to having a massive party like I usually do, spending it with Chuck was probably the right thing to do. Chuck grabbed my hand and pulled me accross the room. "In my opinion, I think we should start the celebrations early," he half smiled again.

"I couldn't agree more."


	22. Real

"Come on, you're going to dinner," Chuck announced getting re-dressed. I stared at him from the bed I was happily lay in.

"I am?" I asked, confused. I hadn't been aware of any other plans for today.

"Yes, you are. You, Serena, Brooklyn and Nathanial," Brooklyn obviously meaning Dan, great.

"And where will you be?" I asked intrigued.

"I will be taking care of a few things," he fastened his black tie and picked up his cell. He was always taking care of things lately, I was started to get curious. Chuck had always had a reputation, but I was so sure he wouldn't be cheating on me. He just wouldn't, especially not now.

"Okay..." I removed the covers and promptly began to dress myself formally.

"Is there a problem?" Chuck raised an eyebrow.

"No, no, you go." I lied, making no eye contact.

"Good, I'll be back before you are," he said as he left the room. I huffed, not thinking that he would actually leave me.

This got me thinking about all the times I had hated Chuck, loved him, adored him, loathed him. My feelings for him change every day, every hour, but by the end of it he is always the last person I think about before I drift off to sleep, and the first person I hope to see when I wake up. He brings out the worst in me, yet he brings out the best. I guess it's good to have that balance, because if things were _too _good, it wouldn't be real, would it? Perfection isn't real. Flaws, arguments, dissagreements. Those are real, those are what make a couple, those are what bring two people closer together in the end.

People break up over arguments, but the only reason is that they weren't meant to be real. They weren't meant to be together. Take me and Nate for example, everything was so right with Nate. We rarely argued or dissagreed, we loved eachother and got along perfectly. Look how that ended, but with Chuck, we argue, we hate, we bitch, and I don't think I've ever felt more in love with anyone in my life.

I picked up my Chloe purse and made my way outside. As always a limo was waiting for me, assuming Chuck had ordered him where to go, stepped in and let myself relax. The limo drove away from my house, and from the direction we were going I could tell Chuck had told him to take me to my favourite Italian restaraunt.

I had assumed correct. The limo pulled up outside and I saw Serena waiting. She was smiling, her glowing face instantly made me envious of her beauty. "B!" she greeted me with a hug.

"You look cheerful," I responded rather miserably.

"Just come inside," she held my hand and guided me inside. I was pretty sure I was capable of taking myself. The scene was normal once we were inside, people were eating, classic Italian music playing, but no sign of Nate and Dan. I frowned to myself when Serena kept dragging me across the crowd of people. We came to a small room with a door, and the scene was all to familiar. Alex...

No. No, that was over. But my breath quickened at the memory. Serena turned and grinned at me, then opened to door.

I saw a large, low lit room. A crowded dancefloor of familiar faces. Expensively layed out tables with ribbons. Serena had let go of me, and ran to the middle of the room, where I saw Chuck with a dozen roses, Nate with a box of my favourite chocolates, Serena had picked up a rectangular velvet box, something you would kee[ jewelery in and finally Dan looking akward, holding a Chanel bag.

I felt so overwhelmed, I never expected anything like this. I quickly ran over to Chuck, with a happy yet very confused face.

"What on earth is going on?" I asked scanning the room.

"Happy early birthday, beautiful," he answered, grinning.

**[AN: There are about two chapters left before I finish this fic. Definitely going to do a sequel about the birth and everything after I finish my Vampire Diaries fic I'm going to start. Thank you for all your lovely reviews.]**


	23. Never Give Up

"Ohmygod!" I smiled as wide as I could, "Chuck! This is amazing, I had no idea," I greeted the rest of them and took my presents. I even hugged Dan, I was so happy.

"I'm glad you like it. I wanted to surprise you, so you could spend your actual birthday with me, like I planned," he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dancefloor. Serena followed with Dan, and Nate walked off with his cell to his ear.

Chuck placed his hand on my waist, and pulled my hand to his shoulder. I smiled up at him as he smiled proudly back. We begun to dance slowly to the music. "This is really nice, you got everything right," I assured him.

"I know you too well."

"I'm sure you do."

"You honestly thought I wouldn't throw Blair Waldorf a _party? _That's like me without a scotch," we chuckled quietly.

"Well I suppose I should of knew better."

"Shush and dance." The music got slower, and so did our dancing. I moved closer, wrapping my arms around his strong neck and resting my head on his shoulder.

I watched all the other couples dance with eachother, and I wondered if they all felt how I felt. I wondered whether behind the smiles and the laughter, they were going through hell. Now maybe I wasn't going through hell anymore, but I still had a lot of issues. I wondered whether they had all these mixed feelings, whether they had ever been so sure they hated the person they loved the most. Whether they had gone through so much, but could still see light at the end of the tunnel. _Even the most beautiful flowers grow where dirt once lay. _

The song was coming to an end when Chuck pulled away and stared directly at me, and for the first time since I had ever met him, I saw happiness in his eyes. I saw love. All Chuck's life, he had been miserable, his father made his life hell, he had to live with the guilt of the thought that he had killed his mother. To get rid of this pain, he tried to make everyone feel exactly as he did, he used people, he drank himself to a probable death.

But not now. Now, he was smiling, his deep brown eyes were sparkling, and the fact that I made that happen, made me feel amazing. It made me feel like the most important person in the world, yet I was the most dangerous. I could ruin his life in a second, I could make him feel even worse than before, that kind of power over a man who was once so intimidating to me was scary.

It was a _good _scary though. He could do exactly the same, Chuck brought excitement and adventure to my life, something I had never experianced before. Me and Chuck had electricity, like a force that pulled us together.

"Blair, come over here," Chuck pulled me to his side and walked me to the balcony. It was decorated with bunches of red roses and ribbons, petals across on the white marble floor. The view of New York was amazing.

"Wow," I said.

Chuck turned me to face him, "Blair, as you have probably noticed I am a completely different person because of you. I wake up in the morning hoping to see your face, I go to sleep at night praying I will dream of you. You're not like the women I screw and then throw away, you mean everything to me. You understand me, you don't judge me, you _know _me. You have taken the time to actually know what kind of a person I actually am, you can see past the wall I have created to keep everyone out," I thought I was holding my breath the whole time, "and you never gave up on me, just like I never gave up on you."

"_Because in the face of true love, you just never give up. Even if the object of affection is begging you to,"_ I reminded him.

"I just wanted you to know how much I love you," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, "Blair Waldorf, will you marry me?" I about died and went to heavan. I seemed to have lost the ability to speak, so instead I burst into tears of happiness and literally jumped on him.

"Is that a yes?" He laughed.

"Yes!" I managed to force out. I let go of him as he carefully slid the most breathtaking silver diamond ring onto my finger and kissed it. "You are..." I tried to finish my sentence without hyperventilating.

"Charming? Good-looking? Simply amazing?" He teased. I playfully pushed him and kissed him hard.

"Exactly," I replied.

[AN: The next chapter will be the last, set a few days later on Blair's actual birthday. We will finally find out what happens to Alex :D]


	24. Ever After

_-Chuck-_

After my successfully executed proposal and Blair's most enthusiastic agreement, I was a happy man for once. Blair gone back to the party, whilst I had to finally get rid of that leech, Alex.

I quickly dialed the all familiar number, "I have something for you. Meet me on the roof of where I found Blair with you in half an hour," I gave him no time to reply and hung up. Little did he know that he wouldn't be meeting me atall, he would be meeting a load of cops and an all too angry father looking for punishment.

_He's there now. Have the cops waiting._ I pressed send with a smug smile across my face. I had promised Blair that I wouldn't tell anyone about the rape, and I intended to keep that promise, although I would have loved to watch that animal be escorted to his own death, you can't have everything. Instead, he would just be charged with fraud and robbery of his father's business, which his father had agreed was a reasonable thing to do.

I was stood just outside the restaraunt, waiting for the roaring cop cars to fly past when I saw him walking slowly up the pavement towards me. I clenched my jaw, promising myself no one and nothing could ruin this day for me. Not even Alex.

"You really think I'm that stupid, don't you?" He said as he approached me, laughing.

"Well, I didn't take you for a smart guy," Unlike I, who was smart enough to not let him get away again, I didn't hesitate, I simply punched him in the jaw as hard as I could and watched with anger as he fell to the floor clutching his face. I called 911 and told them about the change of plan, doing the same for his father.

I held him to the floor hoping Blair wouldn't come out and have to see his face ever again. His lip was bleeding, my knuckles throbbing, but it was worth it. I had told them to keep sirens off so it wouldn't cause a scene and disturb Blair's night. Everything had to be perfect.

I saw his father's car turn the corner, with three cop cars following behind. Not wanting to look at him any longer, I just left him on the ground for the rest of them to deal with. I walked calmly back into the restaraunt, with a half fake smile gracing my face.

_**Five days later on Blair's birthday**_

_**-**__Blair-_

My week had been all kinds of perfect. Everyone was so happy and amazed that Chuck had proposed. I guess it wasn't what anyone would expect, it is Chuck afterall. I had finally got round to telling my mother and everyone else about me being pregnant, mentioning nothing of Alex, of course. Most of them seemed pleased, but my mother was concered. I had to assure her for days that I knew what I was doing and that Chuck would support me through everything. At least I hoped he would.

Today was my 18th birthday that I had promised to spend with Chuck. So far, he had treated me to a Swedish massage, a mani-pedi, an evening dress and shoes to match. We were now both lay on a beach, the sun going down yet the air was still warm, I was lay against his hard chest, playing with the sand in my hand wondering how this moment could be any better as he played with my hair.

Everything had turned out so right in the end compared to the havoc that was my life a few weeks ago. I felt so at home in Chuck's arms, like if I was going to have hard times, I didn't want to go through them with anyone else but him.

I knew he would probably mess things up at times, I knew we would have our arguments, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But for now, everything was fine, and I wanted it to stay that way for as long as possible.

I lay my hand flat across the sand and watched my stunning ring shine when it caught the sunlight, I could feel Chuck smiling behind me as he slid his hand onto mine, and locked our fingers together, just how we were meant to be. If I was going to spend forever with Chuck, I never wanted forever to end.

_Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end - _Unkown

[Thank you for all your lovely reviews, I really couldn't have finished it without them :) I will start writing a sequel after I finish my Vampire Diaries fic, hope you enjoyed 3]


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